So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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