Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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