I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
