Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
