you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
