how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
