she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
