even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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