If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
