did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
