maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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