He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We need a shit load of segways right now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
