you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
