I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
