its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize