I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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