If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How's work?
Spinning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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