i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
