Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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