You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
