My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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