his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
