it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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