I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
