Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
