i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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