Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize