I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
