Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
