btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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