I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
