Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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