I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
