I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
