Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
