The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
