Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
