Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
