Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
