His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Randomize
