he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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