He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
