she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
