i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
