i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
