I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
