The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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