Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
