...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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