I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
