How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's never too late to be topless.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
