if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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