it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
