You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
