We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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