maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
