She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
