Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
