God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize