You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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