she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
