Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
