I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
