So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
and she was petting her beer can
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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