was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
