My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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