I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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