3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
