shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
