probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
