i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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