Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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