Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
