i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
