You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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