I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
