Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
