I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
