i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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