he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
