That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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