Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
